Masa Holle

Has The Loss Of A Loved One Thrown Your World Off Balance?

Are you mourning for a loved one but not in the way you expected? Do you feel like the grieving process has gone on too long, and you’re not making any progress? Maybe everyone else impacted by the loss has moved on, which makes you feel alone in your sorrow. Or perhaps you feel just the opposite—like you’ve moved on too easily, and you’re ashamed at your apparent lack of sadness.

Coping with the loss of a loved one is hard. There’s no sugarcoating it. While most people have heard of the five stages of grief, the grieving process rarely follows any neat, clean storyline. It’s messy, confusing, and full of contradictory emotions. It can take a long time to work through. On any given day, you may feel depressed, lonely, angry, defeated, or exhausted. While these feelings are natural, they are painful to cope with alone.

Grieving tells you a lot about who you are, including what you value and hold dear. On your own, however, it’s hard to make sense of all the complex emotions that come with it. By working with a skilled therapist, you can move through your bereavement and learn new things about yourself along the way.

Our Death-Phobic Culture Doesn’t Leave Room For Grief

Everyone will experience loss at some point in their lives. Oftentimes, cultural expectations surrounding a loss make grieving harder than it needs to be. There is a preconceived notion about what constitutes a “good death”—usually involving someone old who dies peacefully, happily, and on good terms with their loved ones. Unfortunately, not all deaths fall into this “good death” category. This makes it hard to deal with more complex losses, such as suicide, sudden death, or the loss of someone with whom you had a rocky relationship.

Grieving is deeply complicated. Our death-phobic society doesn’t exactly respect that. Grievers are often told to buck up, get back in the saddle, and look for the so-called “silver lining” in their struggles—oftentimes, long before their natural grief process has unfolded. In many ways, we have forgotten what it means to belong to the world and to each other. We’re a very isolated, individualistic society, and we tend to deal with things in our own little bubble.

In order to fully integrate your grief, however, seeking professional help is essential. While your friends and family can offer comfort, they may not fully support the unique way in which you grieve. My goal is to hold sacred your own grieving process and show you that there is no wrong way to mourn. In counseling, we will transcend the culturally-prescribed steps of grief and help you move forward with peace and assurance.

Grief Counseling Is A Time To Find Meaning And Resilience In The Face Of Your Loss

Let’s face it: the grieving process can feel awkward. You may feel too sad to move on with life or you may wish you could feel sadder than you do. In bereavement counseling, my first priority is to honor your own unique grief. We will explore how your familial history, spiritual beliefs, and emotional responses have shaped the way you mourn. Understanding your deeply personal way of grieving will help you make sense of your loss and begin to integrate the experience into your life in a way that has meaning for you.

Although I have an intake process specific to grief counseling, I am very flexible to the needs of each griever. Sometimes, as in the case of complex or traumatic grief, an in-depth exploration of your history may be necessary. From there, however, the focus will be on helping you deal with the loss in the here and now.

In our sessions, I will focus on helping you grieve well rather than on fixing your pain. My goal is to help you integrate your loss into its proper place in your memory and your life. This way, you aren’t ignoring your loss, but you aren’t letting it dominate your life, either. You will learn to craft a deeper sense of purpose around the loss so that you can make better sense of it going forward. This means looking at who you are apart from your loved one and exploring ways to cope without that person in day-to-day life.

Additionally, I offer creative exercises for you to do in sessions and at home for insight and self-support. I encourage journaling, meditation, and self-compassion techniques for you to practice on a regular basis. I also create opportunities for ritual, memorialization, and storytelling. While the story of a loss is significant, ultimate comfort can be found in writing or telling living stories of the loved one who died. Doing so will help you gain new insights into the rhythm of your own grieving process.

With a certification in grief treatment, I offer a variety of interventions to bring clarity, insight, and solace to the griever. I offer mindfulness techniques, such as grounding and deep-breathing skills, informed by many years of practicing meditation. If the loss has been traumatic or unusually long-standing, the resolution of trauma may be required. In such cases, I will employ Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. EMDR taps into the brain’s natural healing capacity so that you can dispel the trauma associated with your loss.

There may be no experience that tells us more about ourselves than grief. Bereavement is a time when we’re forced to consider who we are apart from a person we love and figure out how to go about daily life without them. As a result, we learn new things about our values, beliefs, and identity.

At the same time, there is probably no experience more painful than grief. That’s why I want to help you shoulder the weight of your loss. With my support, I am confident that you will come away with a new understanding of what it means to grieve and—more importantly—what it means to be you in the face of loss.

You may have some questions about grief counseling…

No one else in my family is getting counseling for this loss, so why should I?

Sometimes seeking grief counseling is seen by our families as a luxury or a sign of weakness. Taking the best care possible of yourself is a strength, however, not a weakness. Grieving is complicated, and you may often feel like you’re getting bombarded with a thousand emotions at once. That’s why it’s so vital to have someone who can help you sort through those emotions and process your loss in a healthy way.

If I do therapy and finish grieving for my loved one, won’t I be betraying their memory?

Grief therapy is not about finishing grieving. You will be encouraged to grieve at your own pace and in your own rhythm. Over time, rather than leaving your loved one behind, you will learn to incorporate their memory into your life in a way that gives you peace and tranquility.

I don’t feel very sad since my loved one passed away. Is there something wrong with me?

The shock of grief affects different people in different ways. You may simply be grieving in your own way, and that’s OK. On the other hand, there could be something standing in the way of your ability to grieve. In that case, we will explore what it is about your beliefs, values, and life experience that makes it hard for you to grieve as you see fit. The important thing is not to be hard on yourself. You don’t have to cry every day to grieve properly, and you don’t have to feel sad every moment.

Let Me Hold Your Grief Sacred And Help You Shoulder The Weight Of Your Loss

If coping with the death of a parent, spouse, child, sibling or friend has turned your world upside down, I would be honored to help you work through the pain. To get started, call me at 970-433-3525 for a free, 15 to 20-minute phone consultation.

Due to the pandemic, I am offering both in-person and telehealth services at this time.

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